Bank Holiday dilemma?

I've never been much for winning(who am I kidding!), what I mean it doesn't 'drive me' like so many other athletes (just kidding again!). I suppose It's why I packed in racing (seriously) at 21 years of age because i could see it meant so much more to other riders, you can't compete with that desire
But there is an allure, a quality about winning that is it's own reward, to beat the whole field, to be the best, it's a heady mix of ego and vanity to dominate and see the result that puts your name above all others.
And this leads me to my dilemma, one of my targets for the season was to win an open event, not a difficult task you might think when you are doing Personnel Best times (and breaking the odd club record) in the form of your life and dedicating the best part of 20 hours a week to riding your bike (who ever said you can do the BBAR on 10 hrs. a week is talented beyond belief or a liar!)
But no matter what the event the outcome remains that I have rarely bothered the top five let alone winning an event, the sad fact is , that the same riders win every time they ride, so the gap between the best and the rest is in effect much greater than it seems at first glance. Unlike a Road Race the fastest rider usually comes out on top and as a result the same riders win every event, be it a 'hilly' short or long distance.
Earlier in the year Paul Aldersen congratulated me for beating the (his) club record for 50 miles by a mere eight seconds. (good luck this weekend in the Paris-Brest-Paris, see when you write it like that it looks a whole lot further than the distinctly un-impressive PBP!) And during the exchange (by E Mail not a real conversation) it transpired that his 'winning time' won the event! Now this gives another filip to the ride because my time in the Finsbury Park event was only good enough for 12th place!
You see doing a fast time is not enough to win an event, speaking personally I race for the satisfaction of doing a good ride under the conditions and in the 'form' that i've got. It's the time triallist mantra 'be the best you can be'
In my cycling career over 30 years i have only managed to win one open time trial, the Hertfordshire & Dist '30' in 1982 (see club record 1.4.32), to win the event i did the fastest 30 mile TT in the country (beating Cammish et al in their prime -different event and not that many run but still the fastest that year) and my brother Phil into second place by over 4 (four) minutes, a storming ride by him and me under the circumstances, as mainly track riders we never usually bothered the 'testers' in their art or on the podium usually restricting ourselves to the Team or H/C prize.
And so this leads to a dilemma for the weekend, several weeks ago I entered two events over the coming Bank Holiday, (depending if I came to London for the weekend).One the Congleton '50' at Holmes Chapel South of Manchester, the second the a3crg '50' on the A3 'down south' an attempt to improve my Fifty time and BBAR average on a fast course.
The first of these events around the lanes of the observatory at Jodrell Bank, I like a bit of visual stimulation when i'm riding - I can recommend the VC Cumbria '50' between Cockermouth and Keswick It's not hilly it runs alongside Bassenthwaite lake (for the views you can almost forget the wind that makes it a testing ride). I'm riding there the week after the BH if anybody fancy's a 400 mile trip up the motorway to the other end of the country, not a BBAR counter that one! Luckily Fi's family are from the Lakes, not my desperate search for an out of the way event to win! last time I rode Gethin Butler turned up and did a 1.51 to my 2.8 still I get to ride on the 'uber fast' Levens '10' on the Saturday when the National 10 record gets broken (you heard it here first folks!) No not by me by that Scottish geezer.
And when i opened the start sheet for the Saturday event Where were all the fast men? With my new improved time I'm off at No 50 and third fastest in the field, the fastest a mere couple of minutes faster (in an event i did 2.03.06 last year to the winners 1.54.36) I have a real chance of winning the event but with only a day and a half to recover (and 300 miles of travelling) do I want to ride to win or for a fast time?
When the a3crg start sheet arrived I saw where all the fast men had decided to race (de-camp to the south for the weekend), the field reads like a National Championship or at least a race for all the BBAR contenders looking for one final fast ride before the season comes to a close. At No 119 and second to last man off I find myself sandwiched between Gold and Silver in the recent 12 hour, I may see the BBAR elect Kevin Dawson (No 120) in the first 5 miles and then nobody for the duration of the race but the prospect of riding fast is the 'lure' of the tester
At the present time I've not made a decision to ride the Saturday event, wait for the day, see what it's like , we have had some poor racing weather this year and times seem to be down as a result but the thought of winning is a strong card to play, you've still got to do the ride but winning is its own reward.